And without like of leaving too many details uh overall like um just things are a little bit better I have more I have more freedom now on on. um being able to talk about like just stuff in general about being able to like just do I don't have to walk on eggshells and what I said earlier I meant that like eggshells is really bad. like even if if I if I if I tripped or did an accident or oopsie by accident even the smallest instance, it would have been a disaster for me like it would have been, it would have been GG like not like a little bit like massive GG that's crazy. It doesn't really make me happy though, but I I've say this for a while now I've said this for a while though like happy happiness is like now I have this something that I think it's like a learned thing.

um I I didn't expect to be like happy out of anything I can shouldn't be happy with whatever the circumstances are you know cuz otherwise it's like what happens if you always look forward to things and not right now and then the thing looking forward happens and then you don't You don't feel as good as you thought you would and then it just kind of sucks. It's bad. it's just bad. You know people use the word win a lot win lose whatever I can play I even play the me myself sometimes.

but some problems and some things don't have a winner. the some some things just there's no winning. There's no winning once you're into that realm. it's it's a it's It's a loss across the board.

So even even though you win, there's no prize. Even if you were to win, there's no prize. The whole thing is a loss. It's just it's just trash.

Oh yeah, yeah, if it was the other way around, yeah, I would have been GG um which is really sucky. um CU I Don't think anybody wants to be like in that position. You know it's really. it's really shitty why I can explain this okay chat.

The whole situation from the beginning has just been just just really cooked and it really sucks. It's hard to explain some things to people. it's hard to explain things some things to myself as well. Ja, we're just doing Diarhea entry so you don't want to hear me, your man, just get out.

I'm going to bed I'm going to bed I'm going to I'm signing off um yeah. I'm always explaining cuz there's a lot to explain a lot. Um, yeah, it'sot it's It's very hard to explain to people certain things and a lot of times it's kind of hard to even explain to myself and justify certain things that I did in the past. Um, a lot of things happened because basically I was I was unaware that things were like that with the percent of was with or whatever right? I I I didn't I didn't know it was.

it was like so so whenever I went back to California what back when right everybody was said oh dude why why why did you keep going back why' you keep going back yeah I mean I was in love uh one but on top of that all the like moving on and all the all the processing of things she was able to do because for her on on her side it was like that for a while but I was unaware. so I had like catching up to do so in a in a in a time where um in a Time EP was were moved on I was in love and I I I still want to like make amends and and and do good you know end up putting in more efforts so it's like it was like both ways. kind of kind of like that. that makes sense does that make sense? Like was going further away and I was trying harder now cuz you know what sucks a lot is that I'm sure you guys know this.

I've said this a million times before like before, even even today. just everything is always about streaming it and I try to make it like it consumes my life. you know I like at the computer and talking in to chat and just being here with you guys and looking at chat and looking at all the pixels go up and down and just um talk to people I like sharing things and I like I like just talking a lot and I um what that does a lot is it by defaults makes me um, a boyfriend just a bad partner and I didn't really understand that until way later on. um when it was too late.

uh I gave everybody attention I gave everybody time and care I give like everybody, everybody except for the person I cared about and I I didn't know that. um you know I didn't know it was like that. um until it kind of kind of blow up in my face you know and I was I was I'm just a bad partner I'm just a bad boyfriend and I cannot I have a girlfriend. uh, even right now because I cannot be that for anybody I cannot be for anybody what they deserve to have if that makes sense.

When you're looking for a partner you want to be, you want to uplift them in way that they uplift you. It has to be like kind of a cycle and you kind of and I'm not going to speak about that, me be on the receiving end and being upal I'm not talk about that. I I can't I couldn't do that to some to anybody or run out like I just couldn't do that you know? um so it just kind of sucks because that caused like a lot of problems. but I I didn't know that I'm playing on my hair cuz my hair looks like dog.

um that good. Cont: Well, at that point it was too late to make good content like I was under stress bro. I Don't think you get it? um I'm sure maybe like in a year when it went too late when nobody cares anymore, you'll see like the amount of stress that um, was going out the time I don't I don't think you'll ever understand how much that is. Uh, I'm not trying to be like a victim Andy whatever.

But I'm telling you like being creative when you're being squeezed in every in every way possible. Um, which is not an option. Seeing things as like medium-term long-term and building things that matter didn't feel like an option. It just felt like I was on survival mode and I've been on like just absolute survival mode you know? Um, so that's really bad and that sucks because I've never seen or come across anybody that dealt with something of this magnitude ever, ever, at least at least not publicly.

Anyway, I had no idea was is is even a thing yeah in NBA and what in like celebrities and like that but like just in our circles like in the stre world whatever I had no like I had seen anybody at least in my circle see something that that's that dank you know. um, it affected everything but at some time I it takes some accountability I let it affect things as well at some time because it's like yeah I just wanted to at one point I at one point I didn't even care anymore I just wanted to get like at least some some sort of stability back and I tried to I think that that got like taken advantage of for a done right. that sucks I was just chasing some some level like stability and peace but when that's not something that the other person wants then the goals are Miss aligned and it gets kind of crazy. you know? um, it's okay I'm not I'm not there mentally anymore though at all.

um I'll be in que for a little bit more. uh um after that I'm just going to throw myself out in the on the on the battlefield if that makes sense. I Just go. just go back.

just go back at it. um and go just rewinder. It's why I wanted um it's what I did a day when I you know I was now able to go home I wanted to go home I really wanted to cuz I thought just go to go to the old house just reset just like nothing happened. you know just hit the reset button, go back to Austin whatever in the old house by by your and just reset but then um I don't give a it's leak, just livid people and take the right precautions.

It doesn't matter or get a house close to it. um I thought that that would have been good good and and RP it not reset with with anybody the by myself. What the I don't know why you're in I'm with with anybody well I I don't I I don't need help it's not bad memories. that house was good that house was good brother I don't get it like the Austin house was really nice dude I I when when I went back to it I was just going to I was like man when is good I can come back here I just want to s on the bed and just like look at the Sunrise you know like I just want to just for a little bit.

just kind of get that get that feeling a little bit just going to have a little bit of a taste of what what was like before. that would be cool. Um yeah it was to get swatted and like that. but that's like see you always remember the bad parts of stuff.

It doesn't have to be like that. Sometimes you also remember the good parts of it. sometimes that's a mistake I always look for the positive which is really really bad. You think this is good, it's really bad cuz I always I always look at the positive I think of people places um things I Always look at the the good stuff for it, the good memories, the good, whatever and forget about the about the bad one about the bad stuff.

Why I leak at all well I I I I I can't like. Unfortunately, even though it's like a kind of the side thing kind of links back to the main thing and can't talk about that. so like it kind of. it's it's really.

it's kind of stupid the way it all works. but it that's kind of. yeah. it's kind of complicated it really.

I don't think I even understand that myself. um we're officially back. We'll be soon. I mean yeah I mean we're officially back back I Just um.

dude I don't even know yeah I'm G to end the stream yeah I'm ending the stream right now. Yeah, don't worry we, we'll be back. Full steam. um I mean I mean right now what's really good though? chat I'm telling now CH for the future for the future.

There's nothing negative in front anymore. There's no bad dates, bad bad things that are that are happening in front. There's no, there's no bad like roadblocks in front like there's none zero I'm not like way you guys say surely but like there's no at least predictable ones or ones that are set in stone like I Have to go over here at a certain time where like in front. at least right now, set in stone there's nothing there's positive stuff though like twitch G will be nice.

um and other that'd be nice. That's right, there's nothing bad in front like there isn't Yeah, maybe there will happen be batter. That's fine, we'll deal. We sometimes you know what, chat chat this something I say all the time we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

but at least there nothing that I'm dreading in the future. Um, and then with things that were thrown out at me with things that were said about me with the things that the claims that were made against me. uh overall I Gotta be honest. I'm just I'm just going to say I'm say stra up um it um that sh me up really bad.

It's like can't really talk about it to anybody right? It's like some some really heavy right and at one point you kind of you're almost going to forget. You know cuz at the point the truth is kind of irrelevant cuz it'll get it'll get dealt with like later on and like that and all these all these thoughts and things said, it's like you can't talk about it and say anything to anybody about it, you know and it's just kind to it's just going to like me and the thoughts and that's that's just kind of trashy. Um, it made me, um maybe kind of like lose faith in people. Really, that's like I think that's The one take away today.

Chat it. It made me lose faith in people. Overall made me and a lot. a lot of events recently like I just lost Fai people entirely I was like yeah, this is just like you can't trust anybody Yeah, like I said I wasn't I always say this I wasn't the best boyfriend at times, but I don't think anybody deserves to, um, feel that level of betrayal ever.

That it's just I think it's just too much like the the deeper you are invested with somebody, the deeper that you trust them. Um, the harder betrayal will feel when it happens and the implications and the severity of things that happen. It's a betrayal that I don't think I'll ever have again at that at that size ever. that's like a zero or once in a lifetime type thing that is insane I It's not that I want to talk about it, but I'm sure one day that'll make sense that that's just insane.

Um, at any given point things could been stopped or slowed down and whatever. it could have just been like an apology at least and that that would have healed a lot of things it would make. it would have made things differently. Like the outcome of things like that was crazy.

All right chat. I'm the expenses that I've had recently I said this last time have been better and my vision people has been better because something I forgot for the first time in my life I forgot something is so important. um at one point I looked around I was looking around. all these things were coming at me right and I was looking around at other things and other people and like wow man I wish somebody was like helping out I wish somebody was on my side.

you know like I'm like I'm on my own I'm like by myself entirely I wish somebody was doing something for me like and helping out and and then and I I realized I was on my own I was alone in all this which usually is okay. but then I looked down and I realized that I wasn't even on my side either and um, it made me click in that I have to be there for myself and I had forgotten that for the first time I had I had to actually stand up for myself and make a stand I had to um I had to fight for myself, argue for myself, not let myself let run over at one point. Dude I just wanted to let the Wave Wash over me dude and that's that's not the thing. that's not the stuff that I do that is not.

that is not the person I am that's not. That's not how I act. it's not what I do. It's never been me and it will never be me and I I lost touch with that for a little bit of a time I got because that is not what the we do and I took a s for myself and um it kind of gave me that kind of thought and strength again that it does not matter if nobody's on my side, it doesn't matter if I show up there or show up here or show up there by myself, that will be at least the bare minimum of what I need to continue and Thrive is um just me but that I could have I could have had any anybody I could have had everybody at one point and you know even then it would have mattered cuz I wasn't there for myself and that now I fixed that out that's good Oh to see the car so I'll show you I'm post any wor about it I've been driv I've been driving every day and it helps out a lot I'm getting a lot of knowledge and experience and uh Comfort on the road I'm really good now I'm I think I'm a really good driver.

Yeah compared to M it's it's a way better like daily B Daily drive car for sure. Uh here it is it is. it is. it is.

um there it is I love the color people about the color. whatever. um yeah. yellow is always my color since I was a kid.

um growing up I always had everything yellow this was even when I played um I Kind of. You know that it kind to reminded me a little bit about uh Gtrp chat you me of GT RP CU that was the car that I got in the game I was like you know what? that actually looks pretty similar. see we have another angle of it. Yeah it is nice.

All right about it I might I might change the rims on it I think it's they're a little uh I like them but I don't like I'm going to end up being annoyed by it at one point. Yeah, it's nice. Okay yeah. I have a a coating on it's.

like a big sticker. It's not. it's not. It's not a wrap.

it's the same color. it's a really weird thing they put on it. It's like a massive sticker everywhere and it protects the color BPF is called yeah there you go that it's called. it's incredibly good.

Um yeah. I D dude the car lifts up really high. see at the front see how high it looks compared to the back cuz now the the the lift is on and it stays until like 70 M pH or some like that. So I've been sending it the potholes it dude bro.

I Bro the potholes I I've been sending on the puddles I don't give a if it breaks, it breaks Bro do I care I I I I didn't buy a car to sit around and if I'm going to drive it I don't want to go like with 10 mph and swerve like crazy to do the P Hool dude if it breaks it breaks dude Jesus if dve Drive properly brother, that's about. that's about the mindset I'm at right now okay dude, you don't you see the rims look way worse in picture than in real life. You they look they dude I thought so too that the rims look on picture and I got it when I go into real life I was like okay yeah like they're really nice cuz they this should reflect better look I like the honeycom honeycom Gamba All right out good cat, good cat I'll see you tomorrow.